Process - Not Product

I am enjoying the process

During the semester I spent a lot of time saying to myself "I'll be able to breathe after this test," "I'll breathe when I finish this paper."  Eventually it was "I'll breathe when the semester is over."  

Then as soon as it was over I was recruited to start off a singing flash mob of Joy to the World.  So I said to myself "I'll breathe when that's over."  

I'm the choir director in my church and for almost three months I've been working on the big Christmas program with my choir.  As soon as the flash mob was over I said, "I can breathe when the Christmas program is finished."  

We have a relative staying at my house for Christmas.  She isn't exactly the kindest person and it isn't an ideal situation.  I've been telling myself "I'll breathe when we're done cleaning the house so she doesn't make everyone miserable," "I'll breathe when I know she won't make backhanded insults at me and my loved ones," and then "I'll breathe when I can get out of the house and spend time away from her," and "I'll be able to really breathe when she's gone."  

Then I started noticing a pattern.  I know right?!  It took me long enough.  When do I get to breathe?  I can't live like that!  Oxygen is kind of important.  How am I supposed to enjoy learning so much in school if I'm focused on what happens after?  How am I supposed to enjoy the experience of being in a flash mob with my mom if I'm anticipating it being behind me?  How am I supposed to feel satisfied with my Christmas program if I'm not taking the time to enjoy the company of the people who work so hard to help make it happen?  And finally, how am I supposed to enjoy Christmas if I'm letting so-and-so get to me?  I am the one who dictates how I feel.

I was focusing too much on the product, while ignoring the process.  I just learned about process vs. product in my communication class.  I thought I understood it, but it really struck home in the last week.   So I'm taking the time to be grateful for the experiences I have - as I'm having them.  

Furthermore, if I don't spend my time enjoying what I can from these experiences then what happens when I'm faced with similar circumstances in the future?  I might be faced with starting school again and think "it will just be stressful and my life will be put on hold," instead of "I learned so much and met so many new and interesting people!"

The next group project I have to do - whether it will be with a choir or others - I might think "it was so stressful and took up so much time and energy," instead of remembering how close I got to the people I was working with.  It was definitely worth it, and I got to see some of them grow more sure of themselves.  I like to think I helped them blossom.  When I think of that I want to dive right back in. 

By trying to spend my time hiding away from this visiting relative I'm not giving her a chance - or myself the opportunity - to look at the positive things she does.  Sometimes her redeeming qualities are hard to see, but they are there.  In the future I might steer clear of an individual just for making a bad impression, and as a result miss out on someone special.  Avoiding her isn't going to change anything; it will just make me dread her more.  She really isn't as awful as I make her out to be, but the hurtful memories are easier to focus on.


So by focusing on the product I'm robbing myself of the joy that is life and learning.  I could be making it more difficult for my future self to begin new projects.  I don't want to wake up one day regretting all the times I thought "I can't wait until..." instead of seeing the beauty in every challenging moment.




As always, thank you for reading!  Comments are welcome.